February 25, 2015
I generally don't read entertainment news, so I'm hopelessly out of touch with modern culture. Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Bruce Jenner, could all walk past me in the street and I wouldn't recognize them. They're just names I see in headlines in Huffington Post that I skip over, on my way to reading an article I find interesting.
However, about a month ago I decided to force myself to look at celebrity news. That's when I read about a little kerfuffle over the Canadian pop star Justin Bieber and his new Calvin Klein underwear ads. The issue was, had the photographs been photo-shopped to enhance his appeal? I do admit that, apart from seeing his name in headlines, I had no knowledge of this young man, or what he did, or why he did it. So I went to youtube.com and watched a video of him singing "All That Matters" ... "You're all that matters to me, yeah, yeah. What's a king bed without a queen. There ain't no 'I' in team." Whereas I get the gist of what he's singing about, I'm a little baffled by the line "ain't no 'I' in team." Perhaps I'm too old, or I lack a sufficient vocabulary, or maybe I'm just not Canadian. On watching the video, I thought, "Oh dear, is this what young people are listening to these days?" Thank goodness I grew up with the Doors ... "This is the end, beautiful friend. This is the end, my only friend, the end of our elaborate plans, the end of everything that stands, the end. No safety or surprise, the end. I'll never look into your eyes, again."
However, musical taste aside, news stories suggest that Bieber is a bit of a rebel. Not in a martyred Che Guevara or Martin Luther King kind of way, but in a "throwing ketchup at your buds in a diner and giggling" kind of way. Not unlike a monkey in a cage throwing its own turds around. Much of the kerfuffle about Justin Bieber in the Calvin Klein ads revolves around the size of his penis. Were the photographs enhanced, photo-shopped, doctored in some way? Does Justin Bieber have a big penis? Does Justin Bieber have a small penis? Does Justin Bieber have a penis at all? Perhaps Justin Bieber has an angry inch.