March 1, 2005
Religion and spirituality are such interesting and truly subjective issues. Everyone has an opinion on them--myself, I am fascinated by them. In terms of religion, I'm pretty non committal at best. I was born a Jehova's witness, baptized Catholic 4 years later, and in recovery by the age of 14. Since then, I have tried to learn about Judaism, Kabbalah, Buddhism, etc. So some days I may say thanks to Allah, Yahweh, Buddha, Goddess...who knows. It's irrelevant, it's just a name. At the end of the day, I just believe in spirituality and faith.
Late last year, an intelligent and intriguing (a lethal combination) woman I knew briefly wrote in her profile, “I want to believe, but never found answers I apparently need for "blind faith". Just tell me this: If the world was created in 8 days, then when the hell were the dinosaurs here?”
For months, those words have echoed in my head causing me to spend hours considering the concept of blind faith. What is blind faith? How do you get it? All my life I have been agnostic, never convinced because no one could make the two stories fit: Adam & Eve or Dinosaurs & Neanderthals.
A year ago, as I was going through my healing process, I was in a very vulnerable and sensitive state. As most people do, regardless of who we are, when you are desperate and hurting you turn to the heavens and either damn the gods above or pray on your knees for answers. So I did. In my need for absolution from my pain, I prayed---for answers.
I realized I needed to get right with me. So I spent a lot of time alone and in silence, existing. John Adams was right when he said, “Grief drives men [people] into habits of serious reflection, sharpens understanding and softens the heart.” This transformation left me open in a very beautiful way that surprised me but gave me a wonderful sense of peace.
In this state of joy, I was able to see some things that I never noticed before.
When I prayed, I found peace. Really, from a non believer, I tell you that nothing brought me more solace than to find a temple, a shrine, a mosque, a church, it didn’t matter, but a holy place and sit in solitude. It eased my pain. It cleansed me, the silence and energy inside made me pure.
Second, I surrendered myself to a divine path. I asked for light ahead to guide the way to whatever destiny lay in front of me. It led me to an entirely new life, new adventures, new friends, new homes, and new possibilities. Opportunities just presented themselves and I went along with whatever was put in front of me.
I started to believe more and more. In what exactly I can’t say but in a higher power that allows you to be in whatever manner that you create around you. I developed this energy field that made me vibrate with good feelings all day long.
There were a few specific times that I would falter in my faith and I would look up and say “God, why, why, why can’t this one thing happen! Does she exist? Why doesn’t she call?” And sure enough, literally within a couple of minutes, my phone would ring or that email would pop up on my screen. When things looked down for whatever reason, when I asked for help, something good would happen to turn it around. I asked a question and I got an answer.
Tonight, I was driving deep in thought, wanting to be home and was disappointed that this Semi was in my lane of traffic at the red light ahead. As I got closer to it, before I even had to slow down, the light turned green and the truck turned right--completely out of my way. Meaningless you could say. But inside of me I recognized it as a sign that someone is in the seat next to me, at all times. I wanted it to move. It did. You just have to pay attention. It’s in all the little things around you.
Oprah said “What I’ve learned is that when I don’t know what to do, do nothing. Sit still and listen for that small voice that will always lead you and guide you. If you’re quiet and listen, you will hear it.”
And it’s true. If you sit still and listen, you will find the answers you seek. They are there, are you listening is the question? Be quiet and listen. Look around you, look at the little things. There are no coincidences. Every thing really does happen for a reason.
My heart was broken so that it could heal. I lost my job so I could rest. I was forced to change careers to learn something new. Though she stopped calling, I regained belief that my right one is out there. Despite all my cynicism, or lack of belief or proof of science, when I learned to listen and see those things that I mistook for “coincidence” and realized that there was rhyme and reason for all the things that happen, big or small, I developed this strong feeling that resonates from within and my name for it is “Faith”.
Blaise Pascal, the great mathematician who invented the calculator, said, “Faith is a sounder guide than reason. Reason can go only so far, but faith has no limits.” Surrender yourself to understand reason. The dinosaurs certainly existed. Cavemen did walk the earth. We have proof that is undeniable. The bible serves as book of faith. Not as a historical fact. The Books are stories to teach principles just like fables. Some people need to believe and use the bible as a symbol but mistake it for fact because it is easier to agree with than to look for proof of a higher power.
Blind Faith... when you look for these small signs and notice the pattern that they appear when you ask for them, stop denying, just surrender to it. That is blind faith. When you accept that. When you wish for the "contact" and as you're thinking that, you run into someone with the prettiest blue eyes that says "excuse me..."
*** I think it's time to give Los Angeles another visit.