Monday 3 Jul 2006

"Discrete" = Closet Case

Ok, so I signed up for a gay internet match-making service; because it seemed like a smart thing to do at the time, lol.

Why do gay guys feel the need to flaunt pictures of ONLY their dicks in an effort to attract a mate? Does any other species on the planet do this? I mean, seriously! You can upload six different pictures on this site... do I really need to see your dick from six different angles? DOn't you have a face, or at least a body I can look at?

And why do the ones with said self-taken cock-imagery also include in their profiles "Not into hook-ups," or something of that similar effect? What the hell...?!

And why does every gay guy insist on telling me in their profile they "don't like queens" or "love handles" or "older men (read: over 30)," when, judging by the area of their body surrounding their erect penis, I can tell they are wearing really flaming attire, could benefit from a couple thousand sit-ups themselves, AND their profile says they're over 35?

I don't get it.

Do straight people act like this on dating services? Or am I proving, yet again, I don't completely fit the stereotype I should be falling into?

~Eric :)
yes! yes! yes! great comments and questions. i am pleased to hear a gay man speak out about this nonsense! and, no, i do not think that straight people act like this on a dating service. Have you heard the song "What Kind of Self Respecting Faggot am I?"It was recorded in the '90's by Romanovsky & Phillips/ Fresh Fruit Records/ Santa Fe, New Mexico. I think you would like it. Also, you might enjoy "Don't Use your Penis (for a Brain.)" It's on the cd, "Brave Boys" and I found it, for very little, on Amazon. These guy are no longer recording, but they did a very good job of embracing their gayness and yet not promoting the idea that being gay is only about sex. of couse it is about sexual pleasure but its about many other things as well, right? Shane
Posted by jane on Thu, 8/10/2006 12:14 PM
Thursday 29 Jun 2006

To Still the Brunt of All My Rage

I hate feeling like I do right now...

Its that feeling when someone in your life is just at center of all of your anger and you really want nothing more than to just tell them off, or trip them as they walk, or even just beat the fucking hell out of them. But, you don't - mainly because your calm and gentle demeanor (and the law) dictates that you can't. To do so would be to "stoop to a level below them" (and inviting legal recourse against you).

But despite that extreme level of patience you're holding onto, you still somehow that know that if you did just fucking let go and retaliate, you'd probably feel so much better afterwards than if you simply held it all in. You know they deserve to feel the complete and total wave of all of your wrath and anger, and it just doesn't seem fair that they get make you feel like this and still freely walk the Earth being the negative, demeaning, and hurtful little shit that they are.

And yet, somewhere in there (in a moment of calm serentiny and true contemplation), I have an epiphany and remind myself that they will probably stay exactly as they are no matter what I do. And because of it, they will probably never find anything true and real in their life. They'll continue on their path and do everything in their power to convince themselves that they are happy by holding on to the superficial things until one day, piece by piece, all of that will break away into nothingness. And then, at that exact moment in their life (when they're probably in their 40's or 50's), they'll realise exactly what they've become and amounted to in their small time alive; an empty shell. A souless body with nothing of any real value or substance to it but the outer most layer they've all-in-vainly spent so much effort and enegry maintaining; to the fault of not doing anything with their spirit or mind. Never to have been taken seriously, never to have been truely loved, and never having anything REAL come into their life (or if they had, pissed it away). And when that moment comes, they'll have nothing but the hope that they can change for the better and do the most they still can with what very little time they have left (assuming they haven't fucked years of their life over by doing anything that could possibly put a steadfast cap on their time remaining).

Its that day that I know is coming for them... that very horrid moment of realization I know they're bound to have... that I look forward to - even if I'm not there to witness it. Because that future moment in time is the exact moment when the hurt they will feel about themselves will be more painful than any one-liner, trip, or punch I could possibly dish out today. Its the day when they'll wish they could take back everything they've ever done wrong and apologize to everyone they've ever hurt.

Until then, I'll play the stepping stone. I'll become the doormat. I'll be their punching and kicking bag. Why? Because I know who I am, what I am, and where I'm going well enough to know that they too, like most simple and minute negative things in life, will pass me right on by leaving barely a scathe or a scratch. They aren't shit but a pin trying to pop my balloon and I refuse to let them. I'm above that. I'm better than that. I'm better than them.

Maybe not from me, but someday their uppance will come. And like Shealyn says (although she says it in much different context, I'm sure) - "In the end, it'll all be worth it."

God, how I love karma.
Monday 26 Jun 2006

What I Remember from Pride...

So I had the best Gay Pride Day of my life yesterday! That isn't saying much since I've now only been to two, but still... lol.

It was my first Pride Day as being 21 and all of the memories are fragmented and out of order. Yes, I was wasted. But honestly, at Pride, what other way to be is there?

So I started my day off hitting the South Shore Line at 8am and right away, BAM! Ran into Lindy, and her awesome super-cool friends Erin and Amy. Lindy gave me a beer on the train. That's awesome!

We rode all the way up to Chicago together (South Shore to the Red Line, lol) and somewhere in there, all of the girls and I hit up a men's restroom (since the women's was packed) and I somewhere in there, I saw some titties. This was before 10am, lol.

The weather in Chicago was inclement and drizzly, but none of us really minded or cared since we were walking everywhere any ways. We ate at Subway before the parade started and I ran into my gay co-worker from Chili's and his boyfriend. He tried ignoring me, but I didn't care and said hi anyways (I love being a shit like that, lol). His boyfriend had a popped collar.

The Parade itself was way super-cool and I took a TON of photos. Afterwards, the ladies and I got pizza and passed by a group of Jesus-freak protestors who were shouting angry homo-hatin' comments at the masses walking by. It took 18 cops to protect the whole 8 of them. I wanted to give the cops my beads to decorate them out while they had to stand there and guard these haters (kinda like that one picture of the hippie putting flowers in the barrels of the cops guns). Erin and Amy just decided to make out in front of them. The crowd stopped shouting comments back for a second to cheer. The woman in the church group with her video camera filmed it. Closet lesbian...

After that moment of tension, we all hit up Roscoe's outdoor cafe and threw one back. I was pretty buzzed at this time, and that's when the girls left to head back out to Indiana. I stayed behind in Chicago to go into Roscoe's itself and wait for some friends who were going to be showing up.

Inside Roscoe's I had two Blue Motherfuckers and everything after that becomes a blur.

Here are the highlight-snipets I remember (these are being listed as I recall them; not necessarily in chronological order):
* I met up with Jen who was pissed Nick ditched her in Chicago.
* I ran into a lesbian police officer who was on the Chicago Officer's float (she was hot). Lindy, Any, Erin - this was the hott female cop we all liked, lol. She introduced me to a hot gay cop who I (because I was wasted out of my mind and wasn't thinking long-term AT ALL here) promptly blew off in favor of getting one more round for myself.
* I told some guy I thought he was a good pool player and that I was too chicken-shit before getting drunk to ask him for his number - he promptly introduced me to his boyfriend.
* I danced like the crazy white mofo I am.
* I drunk dialed Sara and Dionne and I think I told them I wanted to bend them over...
* I drunk dialed my mother - Brent answered. I talked to him, Megan, and Jenny.
* I was texting everyone like crazy.
* Jen, YET AGAIN, found one of THE ONLY straight guys at Pride and made out with him.
* I came back to Jen from dancing and saw her sitting next to a guy who I thought was the guy she made out with. He wasn't. He decided to prove he was gay by making out with me. I believed him.
* The bartender Dean makes awesome Blue Motherfuckers.
* I got at least 15 compliments on my "I wish I knew how to quit you" t-shirt.
* I talked to a bunch of girls I had never met before like we were old friends.
* I think I actually grabbed some guy's crotch - Jen did too, but I don't remember who did it first.
* I felt up a bunch of different girls because one of them said they had fake boobs and everyone wanted me to compare theirs to hers.
* I think I made out with Jen for a little bit there.
* Wayne (like Jen) also couldn't get a hold of, or find, Nick. So (unlike Jen) Wayne went home.
* Elyse came up from Indiana after work.

The last item on the memory list was to most recent occurence. I was starting to sober up at this point and since Elyse didn't have her ID, she and I went to the Kit Kat Lounge to have a drink. I remember getting her drink (a Vanilla Vodka and Coke - yum!) for free from the really cute bartender. Elyse ordered shots for us and some cool new friends we made (who were straight! lol). I did a lemon drop shot and suddenly BAM! everything became fragmented again.

* I think I either DID make out with, or I at least TRIED making out with Elyse.
* I drunk dialed my mom again - this time she answered. I don't remember what we talked about. I do remember (like any good drunken jackass) that I told her numerous times I loved her. I also remember I told her that I was still hoping to use one of the three condoms I got from the parade itself. Yeah...
* Elyse and I went to the Windy City Gyros and I bought us each a Fish'n'Chips dinner (only to find out afterwards Elyse doesn't like fish).
* I had an awesome legal conversation with two of Chicago's finest about the group of Christian protesters who showed up at Pride. I'm genuinely surprised they tolerated me and didn't cuff me for public intoxication.
* The cops said throwing a water balloon constitutes assault.
* The cops liked my idea about retaliating against the protesters by going to their church on the one day they have all year to celebrate pride in something (like, say Easter) and getting a group together with a loudspeaker and advocating gay rights outside on a corner.
* Elyse and I had a nice conversation about friendship, Chili's, and being artists in Chicago.
* Elyse and I walked to the Red Line to head to her friend's place where we'd be crashing for the night. One of her Loyola friends remembers Dinkies.
* Somewhere in there we walked on Dakin street past an old... ...friend? 's place and I got nostalgic.
* Elyse and I played Tetris and X-Men Legends II (I lost - A LOT).
* Elyse, her friend Lawrence, and I watched "Aladdin" (I fell asleep during it).

What an awesome day-into-night!

So this morning I wake up in Lawrence's apartment to find that Elyse left me to head into Indiana to go to work. Lawrence was really cool about the fact that a perfect stranger was still sleeping in his place from the night before at noon. I figured out I had until 2:30pm to do whatever I wanted before the next South Shore train home departed Randolph. I ended up heading down to Columbia College to complete my re-enrollment form and schedule an appointment with my advisor. After that I came home to find my car, after spending all night and day at the Miller lot, was still in one piece (more or less). My car is making a funny noise now. The last time it made this noise, I set back $400 or so on new brake-stuff. Icky.

So yeah, it was a totally rockin' day (unlike this blog) and I'll have pictures up as soon as I can.

~Eric :)
Wednesday 7 Jun 2006

Boom Boom

So an arsonist blew up our neighbor's truck tonight.

Mom, Megan, and I were sitting at the table talking at about 1139pm when he heard a huge thud that sounded like someone dropping a dead body on our back porch.

We talk about what it could be, decide its nothing. I get up to go get some water and see a huge blazing fire that looked like our neighbor's house up the road.

I call 911, Fire Dept.'s on its way.

We run up to make sure everyone's ok and no one's hurt. Everyone's fine.

Poor Nick lost his truck.

Some beer-gutted shirtless guy (with red sunburn on top of the belly, white and pasty on the bottom) couldn't be bothered, acted like it was the norm for us.

We have a neighbor named Candie who was letting her dogs poo when the blast went off.

Mom, Megan, Candie, and I all had a MacGuyver-moment went we practically had to dive out of the way of the speeding fire truck that almost ran us down in an attempt to get to the fire.

Everyone came running with their PJs, cell phones, and concern - no one brought any Off! bug repellant.

Two of the wives of the Firemen brought their kids so they all could see their daddies in action. I suggested to the mothers that they leave the bedroom doors unlocked at 3am for the children if they wanted them to witness that. Only Mom and Megan found that joke funny.

Everyone stood around and simply watched the action, with no one doing anything to give a statement to the cops about what had happened. No one seemed to impacted or shocked that such a travesty could happen on our street.

Mom, Megan, and I were the only ones without Southern accents.

So all in all, it basically was nothing more than a "Desperate Housewives" moment for the night.

Real life drama, right here in Cal-Township Gary.
Tuesday 6 Jun 2006



After MUCH deliberation, Michael and I have decided to cast you as Cain, Noah and in the serpent. We have the utmost confidence that you will be able to handle the load and will invest the time required to make all three roles successful.

Congratulations and we will see you Tuesday evening.


So I just found out (literally, 5 minutes ago via email) that I'll be playing Noah, Cain, and one of the five singers that make-up the Serpent in Genesius Guild's production of "Children of Eden." That's just about two-and-a-half (kinda, sorta three) leads all in one show.

I'm incredibly excited and also very nervous. This will be the biggest thing I've ever had to do for a musical in my entire life. That means my life now strictly consists of Casino class, Chili's, and "Children of Eden." My CD player will be burnt out on the constant replaying over-and-over of this show's soundtrack so I can help make sure I've got my part down to the tee. So yeah, happiness and freaking-out all came in one fell swoop tonight when I dipped into the old email account to see what's new, lol.

I hope I see you all at the show! Wish me a leg break!

~Eric :)

Interesting side note: Since I'd played Judas in "Godspell" my senior year of high school (and I'm now playing Cain), I realised that if they ever make a musical out of the story of Julius Caesar and I get cast as Brutus, I'll then be able to say I played Dante's Trivumerate of Evil Betrayers; consequently casting myself into the Ninth Circle of Broadway Hell forever. Being a part of the Serpent that convinced Eve to betray God and eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge isn't helping my case, either...

So here's to hoping that being a "42nd Street" tapper, "Grease"'s Roger, "Li'l Abner"'s Marryin' Sam, and now Noah in this show will offer me some sort of repentance; a ying to the yang, so to speak, lol.

Archived blog posts

1 2 3
{ts '2018-07-19 18:24:14'}